The kids and I went to the local middle school tonight for the chorus concert aand I am so glad we did. The only reason we were there was because my son Bradley was doing the video. But I got to see a few people that I haven't seen in a while and that I have missed. Thank you Diane for comming to say "hi" I would have NEVER found anyone in that big room full of people
So, first let me tell you about Diane, she is my friend and a co-survivor. She has pushed through the fear and chemo and made it to the other side BEFORE it could settle in other places and take her life. She is beautiful and so is her family. Her aunt Ann is also a co-survivor with whom I have a close tie and wish I would have been able to see her tonight, I miss her. There family has been down the road of loss when it comes to cancer, Andy was lost to this illness after years of fighting and is missed by many. Their family has been to my home to drop of groceries and love....right when we needed it. Diane, you are beautiful and you look great. Keep up the battle, it never seems to go away.
Then I ran into Joan, and Aubrey. My friend Dena's mom and daughter. They have also lost a loved one to cancer, just this year, the beginning of the year, right after Christmas last year. Mike had three little boys and a wife, he never had a chance. It had him beat before he even started to fight. He had a very rare form of cancer and now his sons will be raised w/o him. This disease, once again SUCKS!
It was nice to sed my son Bradley sitting with his friends or his friends sitting with him while he reorded the concert. They laugh and smile, they goof off and I am just glad they are all so happy go lucky! Nick sat with me, he's my mother hen and worry wort. He helps me walk the steps when I start to lose power. He makes sure my legs don't give out on me and I fall. And since I have been on this new chemo there is no feeling in my feet (just the bottoms) so I can get a little wobbly. Fun fact...it also took the feeling from the palms of my hands and my finger tips. Mara and Katy sat on my right and my little one got bored quickly and hungry.
Before the concert, we had gone to check out a cheerleading group Mara wants to join. Cute. I am pretty sure we can swing it, it's only in Hastings and it's only on Wed. nights unless we do private lessons then we would probably add Sunday for 1/2 an hour. Some of her friends are in it so she'll have fun.
I, got to spend the afternoon with two darling women, Kim and Tricia. There is a lot I can say about these women but I won't it would take up my whole blog to tell you how wonderful they are. My son happens to be seeing Kim's daughter right now that makes for interesting conversation considering how young they are. I want it to stay fun and light conversation for as long as possible. Doesn't matter what happens with them. Kim and I will be great! There is so much to say about our relationship, it's complicated. As for Tricia, we kind of have the same relationship, my daughter Katy seems to be very interested in her son. I want to keep that light and happy too! I have so much respect for both of these women.
My friends don't care if I am having a "bad"(no) hair day. They don't care that I have no eyelashes or eyebrows. Which I am considering having tattooed on! If anyone has had it done let me know if you are happy with it. Anyway they worry about me if I "don't look so good" or if I have lost a lot of weight. They worry if they haven't heard from me in a while and make it a point to call. I can say my friends are true friends and I can talk to them about anything and they don't judge me. Today, for instance, I had to have Kim look at my eyelids to see if they were swollen or if I was seeing things. Nope they were definately swollen and pink. But, I had a conversation the other day w/my mom and I cried a lot. Then I cried at the funeral and the church yesterday. It might be a side effect of the meds too, who knows.? Anyway by this evening the swelling was gone. Pinkness still there.
So, our most recent loss was my friend Lisa. I have some questions, first one "WHY"? Aunt Red asked me that question with tears in her 96 year old eyes. "Why her at 54 and not me at 96?" Does anyone have an answer? I don't. Tumors are in my bones, lungs, on my adrenal gland and now I can literally see one growing in my chest. I don't know Lisa's whole story. I know how tough she was. I know she was loved and I know she wanted to live. So she fought. Fought with the drugs our government approved, and she lost.
I have known a lot of people that have died from this illness, before I got sick I didn't know anyone with cancer with the exception of my grandpap Sherry who had it cut out and radiated and then it was over. I was young and didn't understand. Grandpap had mouth cancer from chewing and smoking a pipe. He's still here and he's 90. He had beat the cancer, wasn't easy I am sure but he beat it.
So, back to tonight, as I sat in my vehicle waiting for Bradley to finish up, people could not light cigarettes fast enough comming out the door and running to their cars. If you never read anything else I write, read this "stop smoking" I get it's hard, I know it's an addiction, I get it, addiction. But comming from a woman who has been down a lot of roads that start with anti naseau medicine, you do not want to go thru chemo. I can't stand the smell of smoke. My whole family smokes with very few exceptions. PLEASE quit. UGLY, and BALD is not becomming. Scars from one end of your body to another so not worth it.
You know there are times when I forget about my cancer, and then I will look in the mirror or get in the shower...or here is the best, go to the local chorus concert, I am reminded immediately!!! By a room full of strangers.
I will never forget the day that we had just sat down to supper, we must have had a fantastic day because Mara looked up at me and she said "you didn't even have cancer today Mommy." God has blessed me with the innosence of that little girl. I hope she can say that again someday, and it be true and for real. God Bless you all, and good night.
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