Onto the next section of the story, not quite sure how far we were into the chemo, like 3 or 4 treatments, it was still cold out but sunny. Anyway, Mary who always took me to all of my treatments dropped me off at my house to rest while the boys were still at school and Jim was at work and right after she got me inside, because I was always a little groggy there was a knock at the door.
I went to the front door and opened it to find a local town's police force which consisted of two officers. Not quite sure who it was at the time, don't really remember much from back then and I would never put their names in here anyway. It wasn't the town I was living in but one close by. The larger of the two men asked me where my soon to be ex husband was. I told him I wasn't sure but it was Thursday so he should be at work or on his way home. That same officer told me that he was there to arrest me because the weekend before there had been someone who came out of the local pub riding a 4-wheeler thru his town" tearing things up". They chased this "drunk" for quite some time and were never able to catch him so they ran the plates and found that the quad was registered to me. This officer knew just from looking at me that I was not the person they were looking for and asked me if the quad had been stolen, I told them the truth, (which thinking back I wonder if things would have worked out a little differently if I had lied). And I told them where they could find the 4-wheeler and my estranged husband, at my previous residence.
By the time they left, I was in tears and they were not nearly as sweet as I had just made them sound. You see, they made sure to get that one last threat in before they left about harboring a fugitive. I was a mess. I still had yet to sit down after getting back from my chemo treatment. It was obvious to anyone who would have seen me, how sick I was, I mean for God's sake I was standing there bald and pale, and about half doped up from Ativan. What the hell kind of police officers treat people like that? They knew it wasn't me. I won't knock policemen in here, I have a great deal of respect for them, but these two men went above and beyond to scare me. I knew nothing about the weekend before, we had split up long before that and to be honest, had my ex been sober, he probably would have stopped. But at the time he was in a lot of trouble already from drinking and driving and could not afford to get caught again.
Anyway, I called Gerald, my uncle , and told him what just happened. He came directly to the house with Mary and they made some calls to that town's mayor. I was apologized to and they found the house and the 4-wheeler and my ex. It was amazing how they treated him though, it all came down to some fines for him. He's very charming when he wants to be. Let's just say his luck is just the opposite of mine. They were ready to throw me in jail to get to him but when they got to him they let everything pretty much slide.
That day sticks out in my memory. I had not let my mother ever take me to chemo. It was something I thought would be over after 6 times and I would never have to do again. So, I thought I had been through some really bad shit and she should not have to watch. She was my mother and no mother should have to watch her child go through chemotherapy. The first time I ever had a chemo treatment, the one drug was called Adriamyacin. The red rose some people called it. This drug was a beautiful shade of red, but when administered it is called an IV push. So, the nurse sits with you and literally pushes this drug from a suringe into your veins. You realize that they are literally poisoning you. That is what chemo is, poison. And you have to take it because it may be the only way to save your life. For those who don't understand it, chemo is a poison to your body. They, the doctors and nurses have to administer this poison to try and kill off the cancer cells, the problem with chemo presently is that when they kill the cancer cells they also kill the normal cells that make your hair grow, make your nails grow, and things of that sort. This is why people who are on certain regiments of chemo lose their hair and our fingernails turn nasty and our teeth get bad. We lose our eye lashes and eye brows, and we never have to shave our legs or underarms. Our blood counts drop and we have to take shots to bring them back up so that we can get the next regiment of chemo and we must stay away from people who are carrying a cold or have a virus or flu. We don't have much of an immune system to fight off any type of stuffy nose or what not. My children have to be very attentive about washing their hands after doing anything and they have to protect themselves from viruses or bugs that they can possibly bring home to me.
Chemo patients get tired, physically drained from doing nothing. Literally nothing. If and when our counts are down, we are exhausted. All we want to do is rest. After a treatment that really disagrees with me, if I am not puking I wish I was. Sometimes, not to be gross but it comes from both ends. Then you become dehydrated. Dehydration is not fun either. If that gets severe you can end up hospitalized. Your whole body hurts. You want to cry, you want to scream "why me", but you can't. And here is why....it could be your child. What could be worse than watching your child go through something so horrible and not be able to take it away from them? The only thing worse than being me, and I have said this many times, would be being my mother. Any time I start feeling sorry for myself, I think of the shows that come on tv that raise money to support the children at St. Jude. There is nothing worse than seeing a bald little girl who is suffering from cancer. I will take it. I will bare the cross, rather than watch one of my sons or my daughter bare that cross. And I will also fight, as long as there is something to fight with, I will fight. I owe that to my kids.
There is so much, phychologically that a cancer patient goes through, then they add the medication, then you add the family drama. Some days it's easier to not think about ANY of it.
You do learn some little tricks to help with some of the chemo side effects. For instance, if you stop at Sheetz and pick up a frozen drink and suck on it while the infusion takes place, you do not get the blisters in your mouth and throat. Emend before the treatment helps the sick stomache for the first three days. Always keep immodium with you, you can be anywhere when the runs hit and it's usually gonna get you right after you eat out somewhere. Certain smells are really bad. Stay away from cigarette smoke, perfume counters and greasy food. Coffee, even if you love it, can make you really sick, just from the smell.
Chemo for me is hard, most of the time. There are times however, whenit's just fine and doesn't make me sick.
more later
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